Alone
by stilljustme
Summary: Tag to "Kill Switch" (1x21) - Every moment means so much more when the world is crumbling. For better or worse.
1. Cara

**Italics means thought or quotation from the episode – I couldn't watch it in English, so they may not be exact. I hope the message stays the same. This is my first ff for this series so whatever you have to say about it, I'll be thankful for it. Oh, and just to get this out, this episode broke. My. Heart.**

Within a heartbeat, the decision was made. She saw it in his eyes, in the strong but not hard line of his jaw. She didn't need to search for his thoughts to know he would fight. Without his powers, but with every ounce of his being. Just as he always did.

„ _Get me out of here."_

Cara frowned. That wasn't exactly the formulation she'd expected.  
 _"Why?"_

" _Astrid is alone up there. Nobody should die like that."  
_ There was no malice in his voice, no anger: he was simply stating a fact.  
Nobody should die alone.  
John would die, if they didn't find a way to stop the Founder. Which, as Cara allowed to admit to herself now, was not likely to happen – and it became less likely with every second she wasted here, looking at John.  
No, he wasn't trying to hurt her, he wasn't thinking of her at all. His thoughts were filled up with the other woman.

She hadn't thought it would hurt so badly. Then of course, it was John who had picked up her heart from the icy floor in the first place. It had taken some time, but finally Cara had trusted him with it. And for longer than could be expected, given the circumstances, it had been good.

"Cara." His voice was soft, but insistent. Irresistible, and he knew it. "Get me out of here."  
There was no malice in John Young, despite everything the world had done to him. His eyes were still innocent, and the passion in them broke Cara's heart. For a selfish moment she was thankful he could no longer read her thoughts, see the wreck she had become.

 _Cara, you're coming?_  
She straightened up. As much as she needed John out of her mind, she needed Stephen in. Right now he was the only one believing in her strength.  
She wasn't done yet. The world wasn't done yet.

"I have a better idea." She swallowed and turned around. _Give me a minute._

 _Hurry._

"Cara!"

She turned around, this time braced for the desperation in his face. "Do you trust me?"  
He had asked her the same question three years ago, and by then had been the only person to whom her answer had been "yes."

John frowned, and Cara decided not to wait for an answer she didn't really want to know.  
"I'll bring her here."


	2. Astrid

**This might be a bit… fluffy, and I'm sorry for it – but I loved "Enemy of My Enemy", and this flashback had to be in.**

So she wouldn't go to Tokyo. That was good, because, really – what little Japanese she had learnt, she had long forgotten.

Astrid found herself smiling into her gin tonic, wondering when she had developed gallows humor. Not that it mattered, though. Her fingers skimmed the half-filled glass, barely feeling it. She wasn't sure what she had expected after the events of this day, but – not this. After all that had happened she just felt… _nothing_.

Nothing, when the world was about to end. Not only her little world, and not figuratively, but for real. The whole planet earth was going to be erased. Or were it only the humans who had to die? She didn't know.  
And, of course, it didn't matter either.

Suddenly shivering, Astrid backed away from the glass, clutching the jacket for support. John's lucky jacket. It didn't smell like him, just like leather. Yeah, she had sniffed at it after he had climbed out of the train – that was what her life had come to. She was a teenager again, fallen for the mysterious boy with the easy smile and kind eyes… Stephen hadn't been her first crush, but there hadn't been many before him. And for a long time she found there was no one like him. No one else she felt so sure about – sure he would do what was right, no matter the obstacles, sure she could count on him. Despite the fact that she knew Stephen was hiding something from her, she had trusted him. He'd been her first love.

And John – John would be her last.

" _Astrid…when I kiss you next time – it's not gonna be because the world is ending."_

But that next time wouldn't come.  
Finally the tears came, but they were few enough to wipe them away. Astrid shook her head.  
Why had she let him go? Why hadn't she asked him to take her with him? John was as powerless as she was at the moment, and she knew how protective he was, but right now… what did it matter where she was? She would die. They all would die.

No Carnegie Hall. No surfing, no family… and no next time's kiss.

Maybe he was already dead, him and Stephen and the others. It shouldn't matter – nothing mattered now – but it did. It hurt to be left behind.

Astrid closed her eyes and folded the jacket – moist from where she had held onto it too tightly – on her lap. She had thought about going home, she wanted to tell her parents she loved them, but from the last time she' made calls like that she knew it didn't help anybody but herself, and she wouldn't make them worrying for their daughter again. They didn't know – luckily, they didn't know – what was going on in the world of the genetically enhanced, and how it would affect their world.  
Affect. Astrid forced herself to breathe in deeply, then formulated anew: destroy.  
She didn't know how or when, but very likely she would be dead by tomorrow morning. And now, it seemed all she could do was wait.

 _He smiled, that genuine, gentle smile that had made her feel confident even in a room surrounded of Ultra-agents, her hands sticky with his blood – and then he pushed open the doors at the back of the rail car.  
The wind rushing in choked her gasp of surprise, but her horror must be clear on her face because John's smile widened as he offered his hand.  
Astrid couldn't help but stare at the fast-moving abyss in front of her. Replacing one fear with the other? Great idea.  
"I don't want to die."  
"We all die, Astrid. But you can choose what shoes you wear when it happens." He was still holding out his hand. "Do you trust me?"  
I do, she realize, but couldn't get the words onto her lips as John said, "count to three."_

"Hey."  
Astrid looked up, her heart sinking as she looked into Cara's face. The tomorrow woman looked tired, but determined – strong and passionate, as she always was. She was a good leader, and Astrid knew that if things had only been a bit different, Cara and John would still be together, fighting for their people, leading their people to safety. Without Astrid ever getting to know them.

"Hey." She could only hope Cara wasn't reading her thoughts now. Then again, she probably had more important things to think about. It wasn't over yet, Astrid reminded herself, the thought feeling shallow and stupid.  
Maybe it wasn't over.  
"What happened?"

Cara smiled sadly. "You tell me. One moment we're fighting as one, finally regaining hope through Roger. The next moment our own people betray us and turn him in. And John…" her voice dropped. "John has lost his powers and waits for death", she quietly carried on, then closed her eyes. "And he… I promised I would…"  
She frowned at herself, and for the first time, Astrid felt sorry for her. But what could she, from all people, say to comfort Cara?

"Anyway." Cara opened her eyes, her voice strong again. "Stephen and I will march at Ultra, let's see if we can't get this sorted out. I'm not ready to give up." She shook her head, as if to silence the doubts in her head. "Not like that."

Astrid nodded. "That's good to know." She swallowed. "And – thank you for the update, but why –"  
"I'll bring you to the Lair" Cara cut her off, holding out her hand.

" _We all die, Astrid. But you can choose what shoes you wear when it happens." He was still holding out his hand. "Do you trust me?"  
I do._

From the painful expression on her face, this time Cara had seen Astrid's thoughts and memories as the she took her hand without a second of hesitation. Roughly Cara pulled her towards the door and right outside, they disappeared from the streets.


	3. Stephen

He was gone. Again. Stephen turned away from Cara and John so they wouldn't see the tears crawling out of his eyes before he could hinder it.  
After all they had gone though, all of them – the tomorrow people, Astrid, Hillary, his mother, Luca,… after all Stephen had gone through to save his father, to bring him home, now they were betraying him? Hadn't he shown them often enough he would fight for them – fight for them harder than John did, risking everything to not give them a chance to survive but to _live_ , free and rejoined with their family, in the sunlight?  
Hadn't he given them everything?

 _I'm sorry, Stephen._ Cara's voice echoed in his mind, calm and tired. The wild rage in him didn't die but sank to a murmur, and the picture of his hands around Russell's cowardly throat disappeared, only to be instantly replaced by Hillary's face. _She_ truly had given them everything, had sacrificed her life for people she didn't know, people who would probably kill her if they only could.  
She had died for _him_.  
And now, because of some people's selfishness, her death would be made meaningless. And more death would follow, thousands of innocent people lost because a bunch of what he had thought to be his second family hadn't been brave enough.  
And because he and Cara hadn't been fast enough.  
A mistake he would not make again.

 _Cara, you're coming?_  
 _Give me a minute._ Her voice was softer and more tired. John.  
Another weight settled down on Stephen's chest, though it shouldn't make a difference.  
Right now when they probably needed him most, when being powerless was more dangerous than ever, John was human.

For a moment, Stephen allowed himself to picture a future without their leader – which John had never ceased to be, not even when Cara had thrown him out of the Lair. He was the one who took care of everyone, and Stephen was sure that if he still had his powers, Russell wouldn't have betrayed them.  
But John had chosen to leave so nobody else would be endangered by him. If he only had trusted his people to protect him, like he always protected them… maybe things would be different. Surely, things would be better because this was worse than anyone had ever thought it could be.

They were running out of time.

 _Hurry._

Brooding over John's mistakes wouldn't save the world, and Stephen knew he was being unfair. After all, John had saved his life, more often than he cared to count. He had saved Astrid, and Cara, and many more who had found a home in the Lair. And despite the guilt crushing him he had always held up hope for them.

 _Wait for me.  
What?_ Stephen turned around, only to see Cara vanish. John was sitting on the couch, his face buried in his hands. "Where's she going?" His voice sounded more aggressive than he had meant, but he wasn't going to apologize.  
 _Cara, what the hell are you doing? We have no time._

"She refused to bring me up" John answered in her place, his voice muffled by his hands. "So I guess… I don't know." _I hope she brings Astrid here._  
Stephen frowned, and John gave a soft, short smile. "You read me."  
"Sorry. I'm just tired of being lied to." Then he shook his head. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm just… I'm tired. Of all of this."  
"Hey, can't blame you there." John nodded towards the seat next to him, and as Stephen was about to refuse he realized that this might be the last conversation they would ever had.  
He sat down.

"So…" John sighed. "Any last words? Come on", he grinned, "I'm not stupid."  
"Never thought you were." For a moment, it was quiet.  
"Look, Stephen, I know I made…"  
"Don't, okay?" Stephen cut him off, shaking his head. "Just… don't. This is… that's not how it' going to be. I don't blame you for anything" he added as he saw the pain in John's eyes, "I mean we're all still human somehow. And I'm thankful for that. Just… don't try to convince me we're done for. We're not."

"I hate to correct you, for once", at once, both men hurried to the thin girl coming from the laboratory, one side of her face covered in blood, "but actually we are done for. Jedikiah's unstoppable."  
Stephen frowned. "Jedikiah?"  
"Didn't think he'd be a problem again" John muttered, "but maybe I can talk to him," He shrugged at Irene's and Stephen's shocked faces as he carefully touched Irene's face. "You're going to be okay?"  
"No, I'm going to die! We all are, and especially you!"

"Come again?" At the side of the room, Cara straightened up. Next to her Astrid, pushed forward by the force of defying gravity, struggled to her feet. She didn't say a word as she ran to John who gently wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight.

Stephen stepped back, overwhelmed by the surge of affection radiating from John. From her controlled face he could tell Cara had known about it, but he hadn't to that moment realized how deep John's feelings for Astrid ran.

Then again, he hadn't even realized how deep his feelings for Hillary ran until she had killed herself to save him.  
Stephen took a deep breath.  
"Okay, Irene, fast now. What about Jedikiah?"


End file.
